I'm a school secretary and these are the 'chavviest' names feared by teachers & why Tyler screams co

July 2024 · 4 minute read

WE ALL think our children and their names are perfect, but not everyone agrees.

It seems that some of our favourite monikers are making our kids look extremely common according to one primary school insider.

Our secret school secretary, who works in a primary school in Yorkshire, has revealed the chavviest names that are feared by teachers and they might surprise you…

“Teaching is a tough enough job at the best of times, but when students are not even interested in listening it becomes ten times as hard.

And strangely, teachers can usually tell by a child’s name who is going to be a nightmare in lessons.

Beware the double-barrel

Nothing says ‘chav’ more than a double-barrelled name – except when coupled with a double-barrelled surname.

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These are the children who should be pitied when they are older, imagine how long it is going to take them to fill in legal forms! Seriously though, why the two names?

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Let’s face it, we are not in the American Deep South surrounded by Bobbie-Maes and Ruby-Sues.

What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned middle name that you internally cringe at when people find out that you were named after your great aunt Joyce?

These girls (and is it mainly girls) that are saddled with their huge names are normally the boisterous, loud, massive coat wearing chavs regularly seen frequenting the Head’s office.

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Teachers come to fear these girls arriving into their lessons as there is normally some sort of drama erupting around them.

And, if by chance their name isn’t something double-barrelled, it is probably Maisie.

C is for Chav (and Connor!)

The male counterpart chav is almost certainly Connor.

Connor breezes round hallways, disrupting lessons as he goes, managing to evade both teaching and Pastoral staff.

He may drift into lessons he fancies the look of (if they are on his timetable or not is of no real consequence to him), but he is much more likely to think both school and staff are beneath him.

A not-so cheeky chap

Connor is also always up for a fight; his chavviness convinces him that he will be the winner in any situation. That is, until he picks a fight with the six-foot year 11 student…

Similar to Connor, Alfie is making a name for himself.

Back in the 1960s and 70s, saying the name Alfie may have conjured up an image of a slightly cheeky chap, possibly wearing a flat cap on his head, an irrepressible smile on his face.

Nowadays, the smile may be the same but the attitude is all chav!

Part class clown, part troublemaker, Alfie may think that he’s rebelling but he really doesn’t have enough determination to go the distance.

Spells trouble

Another indicator of inherent chavviness is how a child’s name is spelt.

There seems to be a current fashion of either adding random letters into children’s names or using an obscure spelling; step forward Jayde, Quynn, Kori, and Ameylea.

Parents, you are just setting your child up for a lifetime of having their name spelt incorrectly.

Nature’s worst

Any parent giving their child a name relating to a season / country / cosmic body / obscure celebrity is asking for trouble.

Children named Pixie, Ocean, Star, Tiggy, Ireland, or Summer are a cause for concern for teaching staff; growing up with a name that sets them apart from the more traditional Oliver
and Olivia crowd may give them an inflated sense of self which can add to the risk of becoming a chav.

Chav Tyes

Tyler-Joe, Tyla, Tyler-Beau, or just plain Tyler, whichever connotation you prefer, this student is the ultimate class chav.

Not only are there approximately 5 in every class in the country, making the name extremely common, but they manage to bring their parents into the chav mix.

Teachers know that if they need to speak to Tyler’s parents, whatever the problem, it will definitely not be Tyler’s fault!

Ultimately, schools can cope with chavs, they can cope with a lot of things.

However, we can only hope that there aren’t too many babies being named Connor any time soon.

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