A man who told a woman in no uncertain terms they could not date because she is overweight prompted a major discussion around dating preferences and honesty online.
While being overweight has been shown to negatively affect your attractiveness regardless of gender, studies have shown that women face more scrutiny in this respect than men. A 2016 study by researchers at the University of Surrey in the U.K. set out to explore the relationship between attractiveness, body mass index (BMI) and gender.
As part of the research, men and women interviewers were tasked with scoring the attractiveness of a series of interviewees of both genders. What they found was that the female interviewers judged both men and women interviewees with high BMIs as less attractive.
By contrast, the male interviewers were found to be much less harsh to interviewees of the same gender. The conclusion was that, when it comes to beauty, overweight women face judgment from both sexes.
Given that context, it's no surprise to learn that, according to the National Eating Disorders Association, around 0.3 to 0.4 percent of young women in the U.S. will be suffering from anorexia nervosa at any given point, compared with 0.1 percent of young men.
But does the pressure placed on women today mean that men should approach dating and what they look for in a partner differently? For one man writing on Reddit and calling himself Solember, the answer was a firm no.
According to his post, which has been upvoted over 13,000 times, a woman he was friends with recently asked him to "start a relationship." He, however, rejected her advances. When she pressed him for a reason why, he initially held back but, as he puts it, "she persisted" so he decided to tell her the truth.
"I told her pretty plainly that there are a lot of things I want to do with my life partner that I can't do with someone who is overweight," he wrote. The man said she was "hurt by this comment and took it personally" but insisted to him that she could "do anything any other woman can."
He disagreed, claiming it was "impossible" for her to do even some of the "basic things" he had in mind, which did not constitute anything to do with sex. She, however, "persisted" again and forced him to give an example. So he did.
"I asked her to go for a light jog with me," he wrote. "We were in the parking lot, and I jogged from the door to the sidewalk, and she just… didn't make it." Having proved his point, he said he urged the woman "please don't do that to me again" at which point she began crying.
Despite her distress, the man said he felt relieved the situation was resolved and had few qualms about his "blunt honesty" in the circumstances.
Many on social media applauded his direct approach. "Everyone is allowed to have standards," Angelcstay wrote. "Also 'No' is a complete sentence and there is no need to justify your reason to anyone."
Brother_Shme said the man was "honest and presented himself comfortably" adding that "it's not his fault that she feels bad about herself at this point."
Solanthas noted that while the man was "not the bad guy" and was ultimately "pressured" into his response, it "must have been pretty rough for that woman regardless."
Yourlocalseer offered a different perspective, writing: "As someone who is bigger, I get it. If someone doesn't want to date me because I'm big I understand. We all have preferences and you tried to let her down easy but she wouldn't stop."
However, some wondered whether he might have been better off letting her down gently. Not_a_flying_toy_ felt it was "a bit harsh," asking: "Couldn't the standard 'I just don't see us like that' have sufficed?"
Others, like aforgetfulfriend, disagreed, writing: "You have no obligation to date anyone or find them attractive. Not being into someone who's overweight is completely valid."
Newsweek has reached out to Solember for comment.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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